We’ve almost all been there: someone, somewhere doesn’t approve or agree with your relationship. If you’re someone like me, who’s nature is to worry about everyone’s opinion, then that negativity can really eat you up. That is if you let it.
If you were to take a time machine just a few years back you would see a girl CONSUMED with worrying about her reputation, what people thought, how things looked to the outside world… it controlled my life. I have never really cared about material things, but trying to make people think I was a perfect wife, mother, and just person in general was important to me.
Spoiler alert: I’m far from perfect and it was all a crock of crap.
Putting all my energy into making it appear to everyone else like I was perfect and had a perfect life instead of putting that effort into my actual life and relationships basically caused everything to crumble. You live and you learn. I’m glad it happened and glad it will never happen again.
So now I’m in a beautiful relationship with someone I love more than I ever thought possible. To sweeten the deal he feels the same about me! It doesn’t get better than that, people! But, as life would have it, we came into the relationship as two VERY broken people with more baggage than we could fit into a 757, and a list of mistakes and bad decisions a mile long. Along with all that came A LOT of negativity. I mean a lot. As Jeremy and I would say, “a lottle”. It was rough at the beginning. It felt like everyday I was getting hateful messages, being called names, being told stories about so and so talking about me, being ignored in public.. you name it. We went through the ringer.
Considering all that baggage and the list of mistakes, I truly understand a lot of the negativity. But, when you’re going through it, that really doesn’t make it easier to handle.
The first 6 months were killer. What was strange though was that even though it felt like the entire world was against us, never once did we question our relationship. That was a game changer for me. I realized that me putting all the energy I used to put into making people perceive my relationship as perfect into my actual relationship made it solid. People could throw stone after stone, brick after brick, and though it hurt, it wouldn’t break us.
We still deal with our fair share of negativity. There’s still people that will just never get over the fact that we are imperfect people with imperfect pasts. But that’s ok. Those people aren’t our people.
If you are dealing with negativity in your relationship my advice is this:
Do not spend your energy trying to change anyone’s mind.
Spend your energy on being the best spouse you can be and building a healthy relationship.
Eventually they will see that your relationship is actually a really positive thing for you. And guess what! If they don’t ever come to that realization, that’s ok too! You don’t actually need their approval to live your life with the person you love!
As Katy Perry and John Mayer (terrible example of a good relationship, but relevant lyrics) once said/sang, “You love who you love.” So love them. And love yourself enough to live YOUR best life. Not anyone else’s.