I’m a Recovering Control Freak

control freak

Hi. I’m Kim and I’m a control freak.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?
Seriously though, feeling the need to be in control of every situation in my life is my biggest vice. Loosening my grip and handing it over to God is genuinely terrifying to me. I know he’s far more capable at handling life’s struggles than I am so why do I hold on so tightly?
It’s at times when I struggle to let go the most that I realize how child-like we really are as children of God.
How many times have I watched my own kids struggle to complete a task and every time I reach out to try and help them they refuse and insist that they can do it themselves. At times it can be so frustrating as a parent. I just want to shout, “Let me help you!”
I can only imagine that God feels the same way when he watches me fumble and fall while rejecting his aid.
In my darkest time I shut God out almost completely. I felt like I had tried things his way and they didn’t pan out so I was going to take the wheel from now on.
That turned out well.
I made a huge mess. Going back to being child-like, imagine your two-year-old got ahold of a bag of flour and decided to ride your dog through the house with it open and in hand.
My mess was bigger.
It was the biggest learning experience of my life though. I knew after time period that I couldn’t do this on my own and for the first time in my life I questioned why I wanted to so badly.
Proverbs 19:21 says this:
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
We can plan, scheme, and prepare like our life depends on it, and to some extent that’s not a bad thing. We need to make plans for our life. But in making those plans we need to be looking to God to point us in the direction he wants us to go. Just a few years ago I had a 5, 10, 15+ year plan. Guess what? Life worked out totally differently and I am so grateful for that. God’s plan for my life is so much better than anything I could have dreamt up. So far I’ve taken the long way to get there, but that’s ok. That’s the great thing about God. Just like our precious GPS, when we make a wrong turn or take a detour, he continues to redirect us to get back onto the correct course. We just have to listen to his instruction and stop trying to find our way on our own. We’ll inevitably end up lost.
I’m thankful everyday that God took my wrong turns and still led me to beautiful destinations. I won’t be finished navigating this life until I leave this Earth, but until then I will continue doing my best to keep God in the driver’s seat and trust that he knows where I need to be and that he will provide.


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